My independence was fleeting.
Far more times than I care to admit, I’ve felt like this. I’m an empath to my core, so I often feel responsible for other peoples feelings. As such, I think I often would put everyone else before me. I’d be making them the priority and never really making myself number one. Maybe I just didn’t respect myself enough, or maybe I just didn’t think I was worthy enough – the possibilities are endless. All that matters is that more often than not, I was letting go of little pieces of me that were important to fit better into other peoples lives. Once I started focusing on myself, and learning more about what self love means to me, I quickly realized I was doing myself a disservice. This is true for both myself and anyone else who may be reading: Your independence matters. Say it again. Your independence matters.
Who you are as a person is the most important thing you could ever discover about yourself. And it’s also the most fun. As I dive deeper into finding what makes me who I am, I become more and more attuned to the fact that my time is important and so are my interests, hobbies and personal space. I have made a massive effort to stop cancelling on myself just to make time for someone else or skipping things that are important to me in order to just be around someone else.
It’s truly a matter of self respect, allowing yourself to set a boundary and not feel obligated to make time for someone if you already have plans. Constantly working your schedule around someone else, just so you can get a little more time with them? We’ve all been there. I was doing that and I am not proud of it.
Independence as a form of self love
If you’re anything like me, setting boundaries and claiming your independence feels sometimes selfish or even just plain wrong. I have no idea when I -or any of us- adopted those thinking habits, but breaking them was a beacon of light for me. I started making decisions for myself and putting myself first and it was kind of like my inner monologue went: “Oh, there you are girl – what took you so long?”. Don’t get me wrong, I constantly battle with the need to be validated with a relationship or have someone tell me I am enough, rather than just knowing that own my own. But I think the ability to recognize that and tell yourself “No girl, you’re good, you’re right where you need to be” is a huge step in the self love process.
It’s messy. It can be daunting, scary, and majorly eye opening. But your independence matters so much. Reward yourself for putting yourself first and focus on setting your boundaries both with yourself and others. You are your most valuable asset.